I Was Trapped and I Can't Escape...

I was trying to escape from the misery I had. My self, my own emotion I don't know how to actually fight myself when I do not know my weakness and my strenght. that I have to overcome. How would I start? You can see my smiles and my glad action. It's not obvious that I had trapped in the cage of sadness and trying to escape from it but I really can't. I am like a bird that wanted to be free. I want to shout and scream! I don't want to see myself crying and craving for something. I just want not to feel pity on my self. When I was alone, I can't prevent this tears from my silly eyes that are trying to escape when I see them together. I rather want to be blind than to see them together. Seeing them for a moment breaks not only my sight but mostly with my heart and I want to scream it out loud! Maybe when I am blind I would not be hurt like this but still my consciousness still and I definitely cannot escape from it no matter how hard I try. At last I will be hurt. Why can't I escape from this feeling inside, behind my heart and my mind? I wish this stupidity would be faded as what he did to me. I had my thoughts but I can't express it out. This feeling may remain in eternity if I can't escape with it. One thing I have to do is to try fight the loneliness that I was hiding when I met him...